Tuesday, April 30, 2024 at 7:27 PM
For the past few years, I have been having daily panic attacks. They are not caused by anything. They just come out of the blue. Every. Single. Day. When they happen, I am completely paralyzed. I can't do anything and I am in excruciating mental pain. I want to shake violently, but I keep it inside to hide it from others. I never know how long the attack will last. It can be seconds to hours. When it is about to come, I can feel it in my arms. It sometimes happens in the morning or early afternoon. But it always happens just before I go to bed until I fall asleep. It also prevents me from going to sleep immediately. I have to wait for it to go away first. I sometimes let it out by punching the wall in my bed. There is now a hole in the wall, as I was not hitting a stud. I sometimes cry. I want the pain to go away. I do not want to kill myself. I believe that even if I died, the pain is not guaranteed to go away. So I might as well finish this life first.